Still feeling a bit under the weather

3 Aug

But I have been writing at least, even if right now it’s very slow going.

And since I can’t think of anything else to post (intend to go and take some photos in the near future) here a bit of something new. Got a bit stuck with one of the sequels, and got the urge to write urban fantasy or something like it. And this is my first try with first person POV, generally I prefer different versions of third person.

 

Day 1

The moon was setting.
Full moon, round and shiny against the very dark blue of the sky, looking huge next to the treetops it was fast approaching. Its light made the dusty dirt road look silver compared to the dark ditch and forest on one side, and the new growth of the field to the other.
All kinds of moon related songs came to my mind. Blue Moon, Harvest Moon, Bad Moon On The Rise…
Right then I found the idea of the moon setting a lot more ominous than any bad moon rising. I didn’t have a torch. Once the moon was down getting home was going to become even more of a trial than it had been so far.
The car had died nearly half an hour earlier. No obvious reasons why. It was only a few years old, recently serviced, full tank of gas, and it had been working perfectly until the moment it just died. Everything. And I mean everything, not just the motor but also the lights and radio and… well, everything. For a moment I had been scared I would not be able to get out since I thought that I had heard a sound which had kind of reminded me of the locks engaging right at the moment when the motor and everything else died, but when I had tried the door it had opened. But it hadn’t locked. Which meant right now my car was sitting abandoned and unlocked a few miles behind me, on a road which – unlike the one I was walking on now – did have traffic.
Although not so much in the middle of the night. If I got home and managed to call a towing service before sunrise maybe I could save it from vandals and thieves. It was the middle of the week, there should be no late party animals out joyriding in this part of the world this night, the biggest risk would be the early birds going to work. Not all of them were honest, not in this part of the world. Plenty enough who would have no qualms playing a bit with a new Mercedes – both to rip off anything of value, and to destroy what they couldn’t or didn’t care to take, just out of spite – when they found one, and if they had the time.
But I still had enough time to prevent that.
I hoped.
I hadn’t called for help from the car because my cell had turned out to be as dead as the car. Maybe I had, once again, forgotten to charge it. I thought I had done that the previous day, but maybe I was wrong.
All in all, a shitty way to end a shitty day.
I started to step a bit faster in hopes of getting as close to home as possible before I lost the moonlight. The hard backed dirt road felt soft beneath my bare feet, the hard surface covered mostly just by dust, and I hoped it would stay clear of anything sharp or unpleasant. My shoes were in my bag. Ten inch heels are not good for forced four mile hikes so I had taken the risk of going barefoot. I could walk a lot faster that way, for one thing. And maybe even get home while still being able to walk.
Shitty day.
I heard something move in the forest, some distance away, pushing its way through the dead leaves and dry grass covering the ground between the trees.
There were no bears here, nor any other big predators. Or should not be. So probably a deer, or even more likely, something like a skunk. They didn’t much care what noise they made.
Shitty day.
It had started just fine. I had a showing in one of the more prestigious galleries in the city, and since I had been free for the day had decided to visit. And then to surprise my boyfriend by meeting him right after work, maybe have dinner with him in some nice restaurant, maybe spend the night – so it was middle of the week, but his job had very predictable hours, office drone as he was. Very well paid one, on a good career trajectory, mostly likely on his way to CEO in the near future, but he didn’t work overtime often. Had always claimed it was because he was just so good.
Except in reality it was probably because he was sleeping with the lady who owned most of the whole damn company. Older heiress, recently divorced for the umpteenth time.
And my new boyfriend was his boy toy on the side.
Completely surprising your lover can have unpredictable consequences.
The only consolation was that it hadn’t been going on very long – my affair with him, no idea about his other squeeze – and I hadn’t gotten anywhere close to serious about him.
Okay, lying there a bit. I had had hopes. He had seemed so good. I guess I had been projecting like a crazy.

Cinderella complex or something. Now perhaps I didn’t need a prince to save me from poverty anymore, I had been doing quite nice for a couple of years now, thank you, but I had been rather poor at one time and a rich, powerful and influential (I had assumed, anyway), and as an extra plus, quite good looking man getting interested in me had been balm for my still floundering self-esteem. Besides it would have been nice insurance, I was doing well enough for now, and I had a good nest egg, but art is not a secure profession until and unless you manage to get to Picasso level. Here today, forgotten tomorrow. I had sold some designs for fabrics which had become a hit, I had been able to sell several paintings during every showing last couple of years, but they were still not collectors items. I seemed to be on a good trajectory. But things can change fast in my business.
And the nest egg was from a successful lawsuit for a copyright theft. One of those fabric designs.
The noise from the forest came again, this time it sounded closer.
I stopped walking and for a moment stood still to listen, but the sounds had again stopped.
It had sounded bigger than a skunk.
Or maybe I was just imagining things.
Still, right now I had some regrets over having bought the old farm (right now about half mine and half the bank’s). This area might become more valuable in the future, it seemed the city was likely to start spreading this way during the next decade, and if it did the value of land would start to rise soon enough.
But right now this was still very much the back of beyond, in spite of being less than half an hour’s drive from the city. When you had a car.
Walking the distance – or even less than about one third of it – and it didn’t feel close at all. I might as well have been somewhere where the gap toothed natives play banjos.
Hell. For all I knew they did. And resented the city folks who had lately started to move in.
I started walking again and picked up my speed as much as I could.
Shitty end to a shitty day.
The affair with the future CEO was kaput, that was certain. If I lost the Mercedes, or had to pay for extensive repairs for it – well, I could afford it, but it would still be bit of a strain. I hadn’t even paid more than maybe one third of the car yet, but I had been driving it just long enough that the warranty had expired.
Only one painting had sold so far.
I was maybe being stalked by something or somebody.
There had been some rumors of mountain lions. Officially they didn’t exist in this part of the country, but some pets had been disappearing lately, including a few rather large dogs, and a horse had gotten a bit mangled just recently. The official explanation, at least in the local paper, had been feral dogs, but the owner had insisted that it hadn’t looked like something done by a dog.
Except come to think of that, I was fairly sure I would not care to be stalked by a feral dog or dogs either. Completely wild animals might be more likely to be wary of humans. A feral former pet – or a pack of them – might not.
And then the moon finally dropped fully behind the tree line.

 

****

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Remembered to take the camera

24 May

to work this morning. So, some photos from my paper route:

 

Untitled 1Untitled 2Untitled 5Untitled 7Untitled 9tie1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BTW, now that I have taken a better look at these, either there are a lot of ghosts on that lakefront, or a lot of dust. 🙂

 

(To those who do not know what I’m talking about – those orbs you sometimes see in photographs, the balls of faint light, are sometimes assumed to be ghosts, or some other kind of spirits, by the people who are interested of paranormal and study such phenomena. I think the assumption is that you see more of them in places which are supposed to have lots of spirit activity. The alternative explanation is that they are dust or insects caught by the camera – like that lake picture, I had the camera on automatic and it used the flash, and while there are not many insects around yet there is a lot of pollen now. And yes, I’m interested and have read a lot about ghosts, spirits, near death experiences etc, and I actually think there probably is something real behind at least some of that, and I have personally had a few experiences which would be hard to explain from a purely materialistic perspective. However if something can be explained that way I presume the most likely explanation, most times, is the mundane one)

Preoccupied with other stuff

5 May

I haven’t abandoned the blog and don’t intend to, but right now I have enough other things to worry about that I just am not in mood for any kind of regular posting. And this will probably go on for at least a month or two more.  There have been, and are probably going to be, a few rather significant changes in my life, and I need time to adjust my thinking. And get over this partial paralysis I seem to be suffering from right now. Right now doing one thing at a time is all I can manage, and moving from one thing to another takes way too much time. Mostly I would just want to escape, maybe by doing nothing but watching movies and reading novels, preferably very fluffy stuff like romantic comedies or something else I usually tend to avoid, and eat chocolates, and every time I relax a bit I seem to end up in this fugue state where I do nothing, just daydream. Or watch television. Or something.

 

I’m working on it. Once the practical stuff is over it will probably be easier to deal with the rest, I have always had this tendency to freeze when I’m waiting for something to happen.

 

So, until this situation is over I may occasionally post paintings or photos, but I intend to get into the habit of posting regularly sometime during this summer, probably after midsummer. Lets say not every day, but I am going to aim to at least two or three times each week.

 

Until then it’s going to be just when I am in the mood, and that may not be very often, I’m afraid. 🙂

A new painting

2 Apr

Probably going to change one of the covers to this, once I get the lettering done.

 

EPSON scanner image

Adult orphans

10 Mar

Still no finished paintings.

That family stuff was pretty serious. My father passed away a few weeks ago. It will be a few more before he is buried.

I’m middle-aged, but not that close to retirement age yet. My parents were both the youngest in their families, they married late, and got me what was pretty much the last possible moment then, before the age of test tube babies and other modern advances. And because of that I’m also an only child, as far as I know my mother did conceive once after me, but due to her age and some health issues which came up with that pregnancy the doctors talked her into having an abortion (at that time health issues were the only legal reason for abortions in this country).

And I have never married, nor had kids of my own. If I had met a suitable man I would have, but there are several reasons why that didn’t happen (a slightly overweight and painfully shy geek girl growing in a small town at an age when practically nobody of that age had weight issues in this country and there was no real geek culture here, high IQ and all the weirdness issues that can bring – yep, not that many guys were interested to start with, and I would have wanted somebody I could communicate with. Lots of them ran after I got over the shyness and started to talk. And finding other weirdoes was a lot harder before the age of internet, even in a bit larger population centers when I moved to one later. :D)

All that, and now I have no family left. My mother died young, I was in my 20’s, all my aunts and uncles are dead, my cousins were all so much older than I was that we never really got to know each other. Most people in my age group have siblings, at least one parent still alive, nieces and nephews if not children of their own.

Right now I’m feeling rather lonely. I do have friends, but that’s not the same as real family would be.

And the one thing I have been thinking about is this: being where I am is still a bit rare, but more and more people have been starting their families late, often have only one child, may very well be only children themselves… this is going to become a lot more common. Middle aged orphans with no families. What kind of impact will this have on the society as a whole? It will show in some ways, that is certain.

Some family stuff

26 Feb

I have been preoccupied with some family issues. But I will post a painting or two in a couple of days.

Heh

11 Feb

So I was reading Tao Te Ching and came across this:

verse 75

When taxes are too high,
people go hungry.
When the government is too intrusive,
people lose their spirit.

Act for the people’s benefit.
Trust them; leave them alone.

 

Talk about eternal truths. 🙂